I’d rather continue calling you a friend, Hlaing! Part -I) (သူငယ်ချင်း လို့ဘဲ ဆက်ရျ်ခေါ်မည် လှိုင် အပိုင်း -၁)

(This piece was first written around 2013. It was based on the events leading to and during the turbulent times, around 1988, when Burma went through a nationwide uprising toppling the then socialist government and then followed through for the next two decades in the lives of Nyi Naing and Hlaing. Yet with the Spring Revolution of 2021, a sense of de javu has returned. The emotional scars of 8888 are coming back to haunt many lately. The story is mostly fictional but there also may be a thin veil separating the characters in this story from those in real life. Many are walking different paths and living different lives thirty years later but the author feels it still resonates well with what’s happening today. Yet reminiscence is the only solace the author can find now while desperately hoping for better times.)

Fall, 1984: A meeting room next to the Students’ Affairs Dept. @ Institute of Medicine 1

“Alright, let’s get rolling with the meeting” hollered Ko Aung Myint Htoo, who was the chief editor of medical school’s annual magazine. “As usual, now is the time of the year to elect new members of the magazine committee. We need one representative from each class for both Myanmar and English sections. For the most part in senior classes, the committee members remain unchanged from the previous year unless one resigns or another challenger comes up which often is never. Nobody wants to spend countless and thankless hours working on the magazine unless you are a literary nut. Even for a literary lover, most rather contribute articles than be in the actual magazine committee. But it is a little different for the second MB class who had just entered the medical school. This will be their first year in the magazine committee and we expect to have some fresh blood. Secretary Ko Ye Tint Kyaw, have you counted the ballots?

It sounded quite democratic but to be honest, like anywhere in the world, there also was a little inner circle of literary lovers or a magazine mafia in the schools. Most of the times, those who were already in the magazine committee would do a scouting work by looking at who submitted stories and poems the previous years. Then they would indirectly coax or guide those individuals to run for the election and win. The only exception may be in the English section where the faculty advisors from the department of English often suggest a few names who were strong in English based on their personal connection or the English test scores. Ko Ye Tint Kyaw announced, “Ma Hlaing Myat Thu for the English section and Ko Nyi Nyi Naing for the Myanmar section from the second MB class. Make sure you two mark your calendars to be available on the first Wednesday of the month. That day after school, magazine committee meets monthly”.

That did not come as a surprise. Hlaing Myat Thu’s English was impeccable since she spent a few years overseas as a kid when her father was working as a junior officer at the Ministry of Foreign Affairs.  While Nyi Naing and many others who graduated from the district high schools with socialist era English curriculum struggled to write a page long narrative, she was composing poems in English like a native speaker then. As different as their backgrounds were, they fast became friends. She was head strong for a Myanmar girl and many mistook her for being a prude whereas in reality she was being independent and outspoken. She was just a bit bohemian. Nyi Naing always wondered if poet (sayamagyi) Kyi Aye’s persona would have been like Hlaing when she was young. Hlaing liked Nyi Naing for of his humility, honesty and sincerity which were rare qualities among the male medical students. Most were either nerdy book worms or spoiled brats who were treated as privileged ones in the families just because they got into the medical school. As a result, most had substandard EQs and zero interpersonal relationship skills. Nyi Naing was a rare exception. Perhaps his parents, both of whom were high school teachers, coached him well.

Fall 1985: At the corridor next to the third MB lecture hall, IM-1.

“Nyi Naing, may I speak you for a moment?” said Tun Oo. It caught Nyi Naing by surprise. Sure, he knew Tun Oo, who didn’t? But they would never consider each other as close friends to make casual chats while passing by. He was a big shot, son of a famous consultant physician in Yangon and was also an academic high achiever. He got distinctions every year in medical school. He came to school driving his own car when Nyi Naing daily commuted via the ever-crowded Yangon City Buses from public transportation service.

“Sure, what can I do?” said Nyi Naing.

“How can I be in the school magazine committee, particularly in the English section? Since you are in the magazine committee, maybe you can pull some strings for me?”

Now Nyi Naing understood where he was coming from. In the class, one didn’t need to be Einstein to observe that Tun Oo had a crush on Hlaing Myat Thu. It was also a no secret that Hlaing had no interest in Tun Oo. Though he had better English than Nyi Naing since he went to a famous missionary school in Yangon, he was never known to be into literature. He simply wanted to impress Hlaing or get closer to her by being in the same magazine committee.

“I am sorry Ko Tun Oo, it doesn’t work that way. Magazine committee is made up of those who are dedicated in bringing out a school magazine either by their literature contribution or are willing to sacrifice their study time in taking care of the magazine affairs. If you are really interested, my suggestion is to submit your work to the magazine committee and make everybody aware that you are a true literary lover. That will give you a good chance to be elected in the next year’s committee. That’s the best advice I can give.”

Tun Oo turned around suddenly and walked away without saying a thank you. And Tun Oo wasn’t the first one who had approached Nyi Naing in thinking that he may be able to put in good words for them in trying to win Hlaing Myat Thu’s heart. Too bad none realized that Nyi Naing had feelings for Hlaing too.

Summer 1986: Final Part-1 PSM field trip @ Kyon Pyor Township:

“I don’t read Burmese novels except by one particular author” Hlaing Myat Thu said.

She and Nyi Naing were sitting under a Tamarind tree on the bank of the little dam at the outskirt of the town. It was the usual after dinner stroll by the group. The rest of the group members were a little further ahead having fun wading in the ankle-deep water. It was about 7PM and the sweltering heat had just given way for the evening breeze. Eight final part one medical students were there for two weeks, attached to the township medical hospital to be exposed to rural medicine as required by the school’s Community Medicine curriculum.

“Really, by whom?” Nyi Naing asked in surprise. He was a big fan of Maung Sein Win, Min Lu and the ilk then. He was dabbling in poetry too.

“I don’t know why but I can’t feel or appreciate most of them. May be because when I was young, I didn’t grow up reading Burmese books. The only novels I enjoy reading are the ones by Takatho Phone Naing, such as “Ta Pyi Thu Ma Shwe Htar (i.e., Htar from overseas), “Moe Nya Ein Met Myu (i.e., Fog of the rainy night) or “Tha Nge Chin Lo Pei Set Yway Khor Mi Khine (i.e., I’d rather keep on calling you a friend Khine) etc.”

“Really, why do you think you could connect with him though?”

“May be because most of his characters were western trained academicians. May be because he often included his own experience as a state scholar in the stories and I was able to relate to the stories. May be in my subconscious mind, I want to return to west where I spent the first few years of my childhood which was very memorable. Maybe I don’t fully understand the nuances, metaphors and the plot construction with their subtle but implied meanings in Myanmar prose. I don’t know and sometimes I am confused about this world around me, really.”

Nyi Naing made a deep sigh and said, “Will you be confused if I now tell you that, I wish to call you more than a friend Hlaing?”

This time Hlaing got it. She stared at Nyi Naing for a few seconds. Then suddenly and without saying a word, she planted a quick kiss on Nyi Naing’s cheek, made a giggle and dashed off to the other girls who were walking back towards them. After a few steps, she turned around and said, “I can be more than friends with you Naing”. Nyi Naing sat still. He wondered how many Myanmar girls reply by a kiss when a boy makes his first proposal. Earlier, he had told Hlaing that his mom calls him just “Naing” at home. A smile came on Nyi Naing’s face. Both women whom he loved most in this world now call him “Naing”. What a lucky man he was!

20 September 1988: House officer on-call room @ West Yangon General Hospital:

“Please change your decision Hlaing, I think it is much riskier to take that route than staying put here” Nyi Naing said.

“ Naing, it’s not because I am worried of being arrested by staying in Yangon and wanted to go into hiding. I just felt that justice needs to be served. Those cruel military dictators needed to be retaliated by an armed uprising. That’s the only language they understand, the one that comes out of a gun barrel and the justice they deserve. See what we get by the peaceful protests on the streets of Yangon?”

Following the 8888 revolution, the military staged a coup the day before and had started forcefully clamping down the demonstrations. Both Hlaing and Naing were house officers at that time. Hlaing had been a firebrand and was more involved in the uprising. Just yesterday she participated in the last round of demonstration near the Sule Pagoda when army opened fire. Hundreds died in front of her eyes and she was lucky to be unharmed. A night time curfew had been declared and the military intelligence agents were arresting activists by going on a house-to-house search. She was thinking of running away to the jungles of Thai-Myanmar border where supposedly a student army would be formed with the help of the local ethnic rebels who had been fighting the central government for decades. A few medical students had secretly arranged to leave Yangon that night from the Sin-Oo-Tan jetty in a fishing boat which promised to take them to either Moulmein or Dawei as the first leg of the journey. With many security checkpoints, travel by land was considered unsafe. Nyi Naing was desperately pleading her not to join the voyage.

“Look Hlaing, please don’t make important decisions in a haste. We are just six months shy of finishing our internships and getting our medical licenses. Otherwise, all that we had worked hard for in the past 7-8 years will be a waste. I promise that once we finish our internships and if you are still dedicated to join the underground revolution, I will come along with you to wherever you decide go. But this time, please listen to me.”

Hlaing displayed a little hesitancy but still she didn’t promise Nyi Naing anything. She said, “There will be a few girls in the group including Cynthia Aung.”. Cynthia was a house officer like them but was from Institute of Medicine 2. Knowing how stubborn Hlaing could be, Nyi Naing had no choice but to use the last option. He secretly informed Hlaing’s parents of her plans. He made them promise that they never disclose who tipped them off or even acted as if they had been tipped off. For the next few weeks, Hlaing was either constantly accompanied by one parent or was under the constant surveillance that she never had a chance to join the new student army, All Burma Students’ Democratic Front (ABSDF) that was formed at the Thia-Burma border. But then with the news trickling back on how tough and unpredictable things really were in the border areas, she finally gave up the plan to join the armed revolution.

(Part II and III to be followed)

ဘဦး​၏ကလောင် မွေးဖွားခြင်းနှင့် ရပ်တည်မှု။

ဘဦးဟာ စာရေးဝါသနာပါပါတယ်။ နောက်တမျိုးပြောရရင်တော့ လက်တွေ့မှာ သိပ်မစွမ်းသူပေါ့။ လွန်ခဲ့တဲ့နှစ်၂၀တွင်းမှာ ရေးထားခဲ့တဲ့ စာစုလေးတွေရှိပါတယ်။ အဲဒါတွေ ပြန်စုပြီးနဲ့ နောက်အသစ်ရေးမဲ့စာတွေအတွက်”ဘဦး​၏ကလောင်- Ba Oo’s Pen” ဆိုတဲ့ ကိုယ်ပိုင် blog site/webpage လေးကို လွန်ခဲ့တဲ့တပါတ်က ဖွင့်ဖြစ်ပါတယ်။ 

Blog site ကိုဖွင့်ဖို့ကြိုးပမ်းနေတာ နှစ်ချီနေပါပြီ။ ကိုယ်က computer programming တို့ coding တို့ web design creation တို့အခံမရှိဘဲ self study လုပ်ရတော့ အချိန်အတော်ပေးရပါတယ်။ လက်လဲလျှော့ခဲ့ဘူးပါတယ်။ ဒါပေမဲ့မလုပ်လို့မရတော့လို့ပါ။ ၂၀၀၀-၂၀၀၁ လောက်က စာစုတွေစရေးဖြစ်တာ Yahoogroup ထဲမှာပါ။ အဲတုံးကFacebook ရော ခုခေတ်လို smart phones တွေမပေါ်သေးဘူး။ မြန်မာ ဖေါင့်တွေရိုက်ရကြာတာနဲ့ အင်္ဂလိပ်လိုဘဲရေးခဲ့ပါတယ်။ နောက်ပိုင်း Facebook တို့ Instagram တို့ Twitter တို့ပေါ်လာတဲ့ နောက်မှာ Yahoogroup သုံးသူနဲလာတာနဲ့ Yahoo ကအဲဒီ feature ကို ၂၀၁၅ လောက်မှာ ဖျက်ပစ်လိုက်ရာမှာ ကိုယ့် posts တွေအတော်ဆုံးရှုံးသွားပါတယ်။ တချို့ကိုတော့ ကိုယ်ပိုင် hard drive ထဲမှာ save လုပ်ဖြစ်လိုက်ပါတယ်။ ဒါပေမဲ့ အမှတ်မရှိတဲ့ဘဦးဟာကိုယ့်စာစုတွေကို Facebook ရဲ့ “notes” section မှာဆက်တင်ခဲ့ပါတယ်။ Yahooရော Facebook ရောဟာ ပိုက်ဆံရဖို့လုပ်နေသူတွေပါ။ သဘောကောင်းလွန်းပြီး service အလကားပေးနေတဲ့ သူတော်ကောင်းကြီးတွေမဟုတ်ပါဘူး။ ဝင်ငွေနဲတဲ့, literature lovers ကလွဲပြီးဝင်မဖတ်တော့ hit(လူအလာ)နဲတော့ ကြော်ငြာသမားတွေက notes section မှာ သိပ်ကြော်ငြာမထဲ့ပါဘူး။ အဲဒီလို ဝင်ငွေနဲတဲ့အတွက် ၂၀၁၉လောက်မှာ Facebook ကလဲ notes section ကို ဖျက်သိမ်းလိုက်ပါတယ်။ နောက်တခါသွားပြန်ပပေါ့ ဘဦးရဲ့ posts တွေ။

အဲလို မိအေးနှစ်ခါနာပြီးနောက်တော့ သူများ platform တွေကိုအားကိုးနေရင် အမြဲဒီ risk ကရှိမှာဘဲဆိုပြီး ကိုယ်ပိုင်blog site ထောင်ဖို့စီစဉ်ရခြင်းဖြစ်ပါတယ်။ ရေရှည် maintain လုပ်သွားဖို့ မျှော်မှန်းထားတဲ့အတိုင်း နေ့တိုင်းပေါ်ပင်တင်နေတာမဟုတ်ဘဲ literary ဆံတဲ့ စာတွေဘဲတင်ဖို့ ရည်မှန်းထားပါတယ်။ နေတိုင်းတင်ချင်ရင် တင်လဲတင်နေတာ ဘဦးရဲ့ Facebook ရှိတယ်လေ။ ဒါပေမဲ့ ဘဝဆိုတာက မထင်မှတ်တာတွေနဲ့ ပြည့်လို့လေ။ “ the best laid plans of mice and men oft go astray” ဆိုသလိုပဲ မြန်မာပြည်မှာ လွန်စွာမှ တရားမျှတမှုမရှိတဲ့ စစ်ကောင်စီရဲ့February 2021 အာဏာသိမ်းမှုကြောင့် နွေဦးတော်လှန်ရေးကြီး ပေါ်ထွန်းလာခဲ့ပါတယ်။ စစ်ကောင်စီရဲ့ လူမဆန်တဲ့ ရက်စက်စွာ နှိမ်နင်းပစ်ခတ်မှုတွေကြောင့် လူများစွာသေဆုံး , အိုးအိမ်စည်းစိမ်တွေ ပျက်စီးပြီး တစထက်တစနိုင်ငံရဲ့အခြေနေတွေ ချောက်ခြားယိုယွင်းလာပါတယ်။ ဘဦးလို ပြည်ပမှနေပြီး ကိုယ်တိုင်ဆန္ဒမပြနိုင်, ဝင်မတိုက်နိုင် မတိုက်ရဲသူတဦးက တော့ ဘီလူးသူရဲစီးနေတဲ့ စစ်ကောင်စီရဲ့ လုပ်ရပ်တွေကမ္ဘာကသိအောင် အင်္ဂလိပ်ဘာသာနဲ့ဖြန့်ပေးတာမျိုး, advocacy လုပ်ပေးတာမျိုး , ရံပုံငွေကောက်ပေး တာမျိုးနဲ့ဘဲ ကူညီနိုင်ပါတယ်။ အဲဒီလုပ်ရပ်တွေအတွက် social media ကိုအသုံးပြုရာမှာ မောင်မင်းကြီးသား ဇူကာဘတ် က community standard ဆိုပြီး မှားမှားယွင်းယွင်း Al က်ုအားကိုးပြီး ဟိုပိတ်ဒီပိတ် လုပ်တာတွေခံခဲ့ရပါတယ်။ ကိုယ့်ရဲ့ blog site မှာတင်ရင်တော့ အဲဒါမျိုး ပြသနာတွေဘာမှမရှိဘူးပေါ့။ ပွင့်ပွင့်လင်းလင်း ပြောရရင် ဘဦးရဲ့ personal standard က ဖွဘုတ်ရဲ့community standard ထက်ပိုမြင့်ပါတယ်။ 

ဘေးနားမှာ မတရားမှုတွေမွှန်းထုံနေပြီး လူအများ ဘေးဒုက္ခရောက် နေချိန်မှာ ကိုယ်တွေကတော့ အနုပညာသန့်သန့်လေးတွေပဲတင်မယ်လို့ ဘဦး မပြောထွက်တော့ပါ။ “ဘဦးရဲ့ကလောင်” မှာလဲ လိုအပ်ရင် နိုင်ငံအရေးနဲ့ ပါတ်သက်တာတွေ တင်ပါတော့မယ်လို့ အသိပေးပါတယ်။ tab (ကဏ္ဍ) သုံးခုခွဲထားပါမယ်။ Personal blog, blogs in Burmese နဲ့ current affairs ဆိုပြီးတော့ပါ။ Personal blog မှာတော့ literary post တွေပဲတင်ပါမယ်။ blogs in Burmese နဲ့ current affairs မှာတော့ နိုင်ငံ့အရေး တွေတင်ဖြစ်ရင်တင်ထားပါမယ်။ လာ​ရောက် ဖတ်ရှုအားပေးပါ။ကွန်မင့်ပေးပါ။ ကြိုက်ရင် သူများကို ဖြန့်ချီ (share) ပေးပါလို့ မေတ္တာရပ်ခံ ပါတယ်။ ကျေးဇူးတင်ပါတယ်။ 

Why we need our children to make us better persons!

( This was first written in 2011.)

Back in Burma when I was growing up, we had a system in our family. My two sisters and I had to notify everyone when we left the house by yelling something like “Tharr Thwar Byee Ah May! (i.e., I am leaving mom)” and wait till a reply is heard. I think it was more of a safety check and a way of reporting to the parents that we were going out in case we needed permission. Years later when I started a family of my own, I insisted on continuing that tradition. But of course, here in the west, we tend to show affection to each other more openly compared to my childhood when respectful gestures towards parents were considered to be of more importance. When my daughter goes out, even just to the neighbor’s backyard to play with her friend, she says, “Bye Daddy, love you!” and I would reply “Bye Thamee-Lay, love you too!”. And likewise, when I step out of the house, I reciprocate by saying, “Bye Thamee Lay or Bye Mommy, love you!”. And they will reply the same. The only exception is when you leave the house angry such as after a quarrel. Then you can expect a quiet departure without any announcement! Luckily those episodes are far and few in between.

Our daughter Hannah turned nine this year and is in fourth grade now. Given her extracurricular activities and her ever increasing private tuition hours (Kumon Classes), some of the evenings can be quite hectic. Like most working couples, the wife and I have to tightly coordinate our work schedules and her activities so that one of us is always available to drive her around. Sometimes it seems things require the precision and punctuality of a covert military operation. We are talking in terms of a margin of error of 20-25 minutes that can make Hannah miss her lesson or practice. Thank God we live in a Midwestern small town of USA where traffic jams are almost nonexistent allowing us to eliminate at least that variable in our highly choreographed daily lives.

Mondays are my days when I am the assigned person to pick her up from school, take her home, feed her, make sure she finishes her homework and later take her to the ice rink at a nearby town. By the time she comes back from ice-skating, she often has just enough time to take a bath, get a light supper, and finish up home work for the next day before she goes to bed. School starts at 8AM in the morning and we can’t rely on the school bus since nobody is at home in the evenings to receive her from the bus. It is better we go and pick her up at the school where she can remain at after-hour care providing us some flexibility. Fortunately, I am a physician in a private practice where I can dictate my own working hours. I have instructed my receptionist to assign my last patient at 3:30 PM on Mondays so that I can leave work early.

This past weekend had been very busy for all of us. I was on-call at the hospital. Hannah had her school spelling bee contest and the talent show that required a few rehearsals and preliminary rounds throughout the weekend. No matter how many pages (beeps or calls) I received during the preceding night, I still had to get to the hospital very early the next morning to wrap up my rounds after which I tried to get home in time to attend her shows. She won a first prize in the talent show and a second prize in the spelling contest. By the Sunday evening the whole family was pooped. Hannah couldn’t finish some of her Kumon assignments that she had to turn in on Tuesday. And the Monday didn’t start out any better for me either.  Some patients arrived one hour later than the assigned time but still requested to be seen cramming all other appointments. Some patients were unexpectedly too sick requiring arrangements to be admitted to the hospital.  One demanding out of town relative suddenly accompanied the patient for the first time grilling the doctor needlessly as if he or she was the most compassionate patient advocate of the time and so on. When I left the office, I was drained and a few minutes later than usual. It was a rough day and I was cranky.  I still had incomplete dictations and electronic medical records that I intended to finish up later from home. I drove to Hannah’s school to pick her up. Once she was in the car, she realized that she left her jacket in her locker. She had to run back to her classroom to retrieve it. I gave her a lecture on “being a responsible person” in an inpatient tone. She listened quietly.

Once we got home, I sent her up to her room to do homework and change outfits for her ice-skating. I told her that the time was 4:30 PM. To get to the ice rink in time which requires about 30 minutes driving, we needed to leave home by 5:45 PM the latest. And she was to come down at 5:30 to have dinner that I was about to fix. At about 5:15 I gave her a reminder call to come downstairs in a few minutes. She replied that she still had quite a bit of homework to finish up. I told her that she might have to leave it unfinished and do it after she returned from ice-skating by staying up a bit late that night. At 5:30 I gave her another shout, a bit in a stern tone. She said she was wrapping up the last problem and will come down soon. Five minutes later she rushed down with her ice-skating gear in hand. She quickly ate the dinner while I helped her pack the skating bag. I reminded her that we were running a bit late. She also wanted some fruits so I had to slice some apples. And finally, when I thought we were all ready to leave, she asked if she could use the restroom. Of course, I couldn’t say no. The nature’s call takes precedence over everything else. By the time the car rolled out of our drive way it was 6:00 PM and we were 15 minutes late already. She realized that too.

I was upset about her lack of time management. I berated her with a few words. I usually try and succeed in not showing my temper in my conversation with her. But that day I gave into my ugly side, the sarcastic one. I asked her,

“Thamee, what grade are you in?”

She replied, “Daddy, what happened? Of course, I am in fourth grade!”

I continued:

“Oh, I was just wondering if you got demoted at school since you seemed not to be able to read a clock. I thought any fourth grader could read a clock”

She replied nothing and I carried on.

“What time does your ice-skating begin?”

She replied, “6:15”

“How long did I tell you the drive takes to get there?

“30 minutes”

“Then as a fourth grader can you tell me what time should we leave home to get there in time?”

“5:45 PM”

“Thank you Thameelay, I just wasn’t sure if you still remember the third-grade math”

She sat quietly. And after a while she asked if I could turn on the radio for her to listen Disney channel songs.

I said, “Sure of course Thamee-Lay”. With that I turned on the radio.

After one song, I spoke again.

“Do you think listening to the radio will make a car fly and gets to the destination sooner?”

“No daddy, of course not, why”

“Well, I was just wondering. Since you knew that Daddy was a little upset about this delay and you still cared to request to turn on the music, I thought you might be thinking music makes the car goes faster”.

For the next fifteen minutes of the drive, we both sat extremely quiet. I peeped at her from the rearview mirror. She looked remorseful. I started to feel bad. Finally, we got to the skating rink. Normally when she gets a little late to her activities or the school, she jumps out of the car and dashes to the building.  But today after she stepped out of the car, despite being late, she turned around and said,

“Bye daddy, I love you”. And then instead of moving forward, she hesitated a bit to wait for my response.

I was stunned. I wasn’t expecting this. I berated her and treated her sarcastically. I thought she would have slammed the car door as she stormed out. But now she is forgiving me. She is extending the olive branch. I felt suddenly small in front of her. Here a nine-year-old was showing more maturity than her forty something year-old father. I was thinking what I would have done had I been in her shoes, such as slamming the door angrily, yet she had been more gracious than me. And I had forgotten that she was only nine years old. What the heck I was thinking about time management when even some college kids can’t follow it? My frustration at work had spilled over to a child’s innocent life. How ugly? I stepped out of the car, gave her a tight hug and said,

“Bye Thamee-Lay, I love you too”.

Suddenly a smile appeared on her face. She realized her dad had forgiven her. She turned around and dashed happily towards the entrance. Tears welled up in my eyes. And that’s why the world needs children, to make us better persons!